The Heap. Presents: The 30 Most Influential Sci Fi Movies (16-20)

We know it’s been a while, but we are BACK with the next 5 movies on our list. While we are on the subject of sci-fi, this past weekend, Vin Diesel’s newest explosionfest, Babylon A.D. came out, having mediocre reviews. Yahoo users gave it a C+, while those on IMDB gave it a 5.7. It received an astounding 5% on Rotten Tomatoes! I was interested in seeing it this weekend, but I’m kind of glad Michael expressed his disinterest. the premise seems promising, but apparently, 20th Century Fox had their way… which resulted in a distasteful bomb. Read the wikipedia article here: Babylon A. D. information

Anywho, here are numbers 16 through 20! You’ve waited long enough, and here they are! Again, thanks to Chaz and his contributions to the list.

20. Transformers (2007)

transformers

Autonomous robots which come to earth to save mankind from other BAD robots? Count us in! Another of Michael Bay’s masterful usages of marvelous special effects, Transformers delivers an good ole fashioned American cinematic thrill ride. Explosions, “roller skating” robots, and timely comedy are what makes the movie work, and what made it such an international success as a risky silver screen execution of what really was a cartoon show for children. It’s not far fetched to suggest Japanese influence by Manga and Anime movie Mobile Suit Gundam, but it brings a different idea to the table, since the robots are not controlled by man. Rather, they serve as their own entities as they too face prospects of intergalactic war (Autobots vs. Decepticons). Again, an interesting rendition of man’s relationship with machine. Oh, and the late Bernie Mac makes a memorable cameo as a used car salesman! IMDB: 7.5 Rotten Tomatoes: 57%

19. Star Trek Franchise (Trekking since 1960’s!)

star trek

You can definitely make the case for Star Trek to be much higher on the list, and perhaps it deserves it. We don’t have to explain the massive effect it has had on popular culture. Just look for the closest Star Trek convention near you, or better yet, Tune it to Spike TV or late night on the CW to catch reruns of Next Generation. Success has never been a question, as there have been numerous (I’m thinking like 5 or 6) TV series, and not to mention 10 films (with number 11 just around the corner, with J.J Abrams directing). In short, it is a sci-fi juggernaut. It created a detailed universe with an appropriate taxonomy of extraterrestrial organisms. Travel faster than the speed of light exists in this universe… and everything is spawned by? You guessed it, the apocalyptic aftereffects of nuclear war. We just never really got into it here at the heap. But we can recommend it, and obviously hold it in highest regards with its place in sci-fi.

18. Ghostbusters I, II + Franchise (1984, 1989, 90’s)

gb

Who you gunna call? The 1984 original was one of the year’s most popular movies, and to a degree remains as a “cult classic.” The ghost story is perhaps one of humankind’s most cherished conventions, probably having its origins in the oral storytelling traditions of our ancestors. Ghostbusters literally capitalizes on the ghost myth becoming reality, as it becomes their job to capture the roaming spirits. The ideas are just so creative! The created science that the movie proposes is interesting, such as the use of the “proton packs,” or essentially harnessing atomic, symbolically positive energy, to capture the creatures. What makes the movie great is the psychological and even psychic themes of the movies. Clearly, a movie like this could only happen in New York! Commercially, Ghostbusters continues to be an ever blossoming success. I grew up on the cartoon show The Real Ghostbusters, and there are rumors of GBIII, and even an awesome GB video game! (I kid you not: check it out here, it actually looks pretty sick: Ghostbusters: The Video Game). But just remember, DON’T cross the streams! IMDB: 7.7 6.0 Rotten Tomatoes: 93% 53%

17. Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

3rd Kind

Close Encounters is just one of those movies which revolutionized the genre, society, and pretty much the expectations of film making as we know it. One of Steven Spielberg’s utter masterpieces, the movie concerns itself with presenting aliens in a different light. The social conception of aliens prior to this work was often of silvery flying saucers flown by beings which meant harm. The film plays with these ideas, introducing a spaceship adorned by lights, and relatively peaceful aliens. Yet, the primary focus of the film is the burgeoning obsession of the main character, Roy Neary, with UFOs and aliens. The audience experiences the psychology of obsession through the various ramifications of the ineffable image in Neary’s mind. Could it be playing again with the same notions of faith seen in Signs? I think so. We are not alone physically in the universe, nor spiritually/ psychologically within ourselves. If these themes don’t ultimately get you interested, the movie is groundbreaking because it thrust the underground mashed potato sculpting population into the mainstream! IMDB: 7.8 Rotten Tomatoes: 95%

16. The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1984, 1991)

terminator

So again, we’ll introduce an apocalyptic future and dwindling humanity. Overused and boring right? The the world of Cameron’s The Terminator, you could be DEAD wrong, especially if your name is Sarah Connor. The end of humanity’s dominance is again of their own doing. Yes, man-made machines are the culprits again… except that these machines are just well… made too well. The Terminator certainly popularized the idea of the potential of technological mutiny/ anarchy at the hands of mechanical artificial intelligence- the fact that we’ve created machines so advanced that they have evolved and surpassed our own intellect AND physical ability. The thing is, humanity has been promised a savior. Thus, in order to preserve mechanical “order,” the machines send a cyborg to kill Sarah Connor, the woman who will give birth to the leader of the future human resistance, John Connor (notice the initials). Add in the obvious religious undertones, a nice glossy “exterior” – aka stunning visuals / special effects, and a whole lot of firepower, suspense, and violence, and you get a memorable franchise: Though Arnold WON’T be back in 2009, look for the final chapter of the saga to come to the silver screen in 2009! (TI is 188 in IMDB’s top 250, and T2 is 68) IMDB: 8.1 8.4 Rotten Tomatoes: 100% 100%

logo

Que Le Pasa a Este Tipo?

85

It has finally happened. We all remember a few seasons ago when one of Chad Johnson’s wonderful publicity stunts involved him putting the last name “Ocho Cinco” on top of “Johnson” before a regular season game. “Ocho Cinco” or literally “Eight-Five” as the English translation is a Spanish reference to his jersey number a self-given moniker. Since the NFL is NOT the defunct XFL, one’s real last name must be on the back. Well, according to the newest reports… that will NOT be a problem this year. Check it out:

CINCINNATI (AP)—Maybe receiver Chad Johnson can go by the name that his head coach hates.

The Cincinnati Bengals receiver has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco in Broward County, Fla., a switch that became official this week, according to several media reports. Johnson, who lives in Miami, didn’t return a message left on his cell phone Friday night.

“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site. “Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”

Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker—a reference in Spanish to his No. 85—and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis—who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts—referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”

Bengals spokesman Jack Brennan said the Bengals had no comment on the matter.

Johnson has been a concern for the Bengals this season. He unsuccessfully lobbied for a trade in the offseason, threatening to sit out if he didn’t get his way. When the Bengals refused, he relented and showed up for minicamp, but complained that his right ankle was bothering him.

He had bone spurs removed from the ankle and was limited at the start of training camp. In the second preseason game, he landed awkwardly and temporarily dislocated his left shoulder. Johnson is wearing a harness and expects to play in the season opener against Baltimore.

So line up and get ready to buy a Chad Ocho Cinco jersey at your nearest sports retailer. I was reading some message boards and people were joking around hoping that Ocho Cinco would get traded to a team where he could not use the number 85! How hilarious would that be? Going through the legal troubles to change your name and you can’t even wear 85? My favorite line from the article is when he says that “It’s something I don’t think anyone has done before.” Well no kidding. You are unique, Mr. Ocho Cinco, a very unique and needed figure in the NFL. Kudos.

*Update: Sorry for no posts the last almost 2 days! I just needed to take a breather and enjoy this weekend! SCi Fi list 20-16 up today FOR SURE. Rays page to be updated appropriately, and music reviews upcoming this week! Thanks for reading heapsters!

logo

The Rant II

mariotti

Yes, that is a picture of Chicago Sun Times sports writer and ESPN’s Around the Horn’s Jay Mariotti. In short, he’s a clown, and I can’t stand him, and any of his opinions whenever I happen to watch the show or stumble upon his articles online. And apparently, I am not alone. My ranting against Mariotti isn’t fueled by some personal vendetta or anything… no, the reemergence of my dislike was a result of a friendly reminder by world renowned Roger Ebert.

Thanks to Peter Van (PV), a fellow domer, who referred me to the best written rant I have ever seen. It’s basically Ebert going to town on Mariotti’s lack of professionalism as well as his disrespect for the written word (since Mariotti has since chosen TV versus working for the newspaper). I know most of you are probably just used to hearing any reference to Ebert during trailers to any of your favorite movies. He is a fantastic writer, and would definitely recommend his columns in the Chicago Sun Times, as well as his critiques. Of course, he satirically approaches the topic of Mariotti quite similarly. It can be understood that he gives Mariotti “two thumbs way down…” perhaps he even recommends a place for Mariotti to place his own thumbs… Anyway, here’s the open letter by Roger Ebert. It’s pretty hilarious!

Dear Jay,

What an ugly way to leave the Sun-Times. It does not speak well for you. Your timing was exquisite. You signed a new contract, waited until days after the newspaper had paid for your trip to Beijing at great cost, and then resigned with a two-word e-mail: “I quit.” You saved your explanation for a local television station.

As someone who was working here for 24 years before you arrived, I think you owed us more than that. You owed us decency. The fact that you saved your attack for TV only completes our portrait of you as a rat.

Newspapers are not dead, Jay, and this paper will not die because you have left. Times are hard in the newspaper business, and for the economy as a whole. Did you only sign on for the luxury cruise?

There’s an old saying that you might have come across once or twice on the sports beat: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Newspapers are not dead, Jay, because there are still readers who want the whole story, not a sound bite. If you go to work for television, viewers may get a little weary of you shouting at them. You were a great shouter in print, that’s for sure, stomping your feet when owners, coaches and players didn’t agree with you. It was an entertaining show. Good luck getting one of your 1,000-word rants on the air.

The rest of us are still at work, still putting out the best paper we can. We believe in our profession, and in the future. And we believe in our internet site, which you also whacked as you slithered out the door. I don’t know how your column was doing, but we have the most popular sports section in Chicago. The reports and blog entries by our Washington editor Lynn Sweet have become a must-stop for millions of Americans in this election year. After a recent blog entry I wrote about the Beijing Olympics, I woke up at 5 a.m. one morning, when North America was asleep, and found that 40 percent of my 100 most recent visitors had been from China. I don’t have any complaints about our web site. So far this month my web page has been visited from almost every country on earth, including one visit from the Vatican City. The Pope, no doubt. Hope you were doing as well.

You have left us, Jay, at a time when the newspaper is once again in the hands of people who love newspapers and love producing them. You managed to stay here through the dark days of the thieves Conrad Black and David Radler. The paper lost millions. Incredibly, we are still paying Black’s legal fees.

I started here when Marshall Field and Jim Hoge were running the paper. I stayed through the Rupert Murdoch regime. I was asked, “How can you work for a Murdoch paper?”

My reply was: “It’s not his paper. It’s my paper. He only owns it.”

That’s the way I’ve always felt about the Sun-Times, and I still do. On your way out, don’t let the door bang you on the ass.

Your former colleague,

Roger Ebert

If you want to check out my source, click the link: Ebert goes to town on Mariotti

Priorities

bad rays

Thanks to fellow domer Mike Hatke for finding this story. It just goes to show that with out the readership, references and creative content of you heapsters., my little “landfill” if you will, here in cyberspace just wouldn’t be the same. Later this afternoon, The Rant II is also provided by another reader, but we’ll give him the proper credit when the time comes.

If you missed Barack Obama’s historic speech last night, or you just can’t get enough of that smile, check out Fightin’MexiCan’s blog over there on your right. He has the clip up, and his own political analysis (it’s credible… history major at Notre Dame). Also, check out Scott Hagan’s I’m So Bored With the USA. It’s been update with more of his adventures in the Dominican Republic!

As I said, Mike Hatke brought this blurb to my attention. As a Rays fan, I can only applaud this young man’s priorities. A true (Devil) Rays fan ’till the end, he essentially sticks up for them rather than his girlfriend! Hilarious. It’s short enough that I can copy and past the whole thing, but if you want to check out the blog, click here: What Did I Just Do?

When I was in high school being a Rays fan was less about being cool and more about being rebellious. I should clarify; rebellious in the sense that it was unique, like a unibrow. One event that stands out in my mind comes when I was dating a girl named Katie. She wasn’t the biggest of Rays fans, but more than most because she didn’t like baseball one bit. We were an odd couple, to say the least, but she understood that I had needs she simply could not satisfy.

We dated for about a month before that faithful night. It was the weekend before homecoming and a friend of mine was holding a party. Katie and I agreed to meet up there because I wanted to see the end of the Rays and Yankees game before arriving. The game lasted longer than I had anticipated and when I arrived Katie was nowhere to be found, at least until I went upstairs where she was cornered by a guy.

His hands all over her, much to her dismay, as she attempted to wiggle away from him while telling him to leave her alone. I rushed over and pulled him off. He immediately looked down at my shirt which featured the Rays insignia (these were the days of green) and decided to comment “She has low standards if she’s willing to date a Rays fan.”

I could not believe this guy was brave as to insult something I cherished that much right in front of me. I figured he would not be so daring as to say it twice. I asked him what it was he said. He repeated. I flew off the handle and grabbed him by his popped collar, throwing him against a wall.

“If you ever and I do mean ever say something like that again I will put you through this wall. The Rays will be good before you know it.”
At this point he had a bewildered look on his face. “What about her?” he asked.

“Same for her, she knows her place.”

By now most of the party had gathered around to see a fight or something, but much to their disappointment nothing happened publicly. Katie dumped me, and my night ended in heartache.

The Rays lost.

Absolutely hilarious story. Props to R.J. Anderson, who ever you are. Don’t know if I would have done the same thing… I don’t even think I had that much faith in the Rays at the time in general…

Like I said, a new edition of The Rant should be up today, and perhaps some sci-fi list action? We shall see 🙂 .

logo

2009 Movie Excitement

NYILU

In my research for the upcoming release of the next 5 films for the heap.‘s sci-fi list, I came across two movies that I am VERY excited for. If you remember, a week or so ago I posted some thoughts about one of my favorite short movie segments from French film Paris Je t’aime. If you want to check out the original post, click the line here: Paris Je T’aime post. Well, it turns out that they are making New York, I Love You, which will also be a compilation of various love stories from the 5 boroughs of NYC! If you absolutely loved Paris Je T’aime, there’s a GREAT chance you will love this film. PJT made use of the cultural diversity which exists in the villes of Paris, and there is no doubt that New York, I Love You can only improve upon this important aspect, especially with the city’s historical background being what it is.

Still not convinced? Then you really need to check out the cast. You can see it on the above link to the IMDB page, but of course, I’ll list some obvious stand outs: Shia LaBeouf, Cloris Leachman, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Christina Ricci, Orlando Bloom, Kevin Bacon, John Hurt and others. That’s pretty star-studded to me. Look out for it February 13, 2009, which I’m guessing is not a coincidence. Guaranteed to be a great date movie, and definitely enjoyable if you are a romantic movie sap like me.

Here’s the official trailer. It looks pretty sweet.

fast and furious

And now, something entirely different. the heap. also LOVES bad movies… at least the ones you can tolerate, make fun of, and make timely pop culture references about. The Fast and the Furious, which came out all the way back in 2001, is one of these movies. It’s one of my personal favorite movies, but don’t ask me why. There’s just something about it that is captivating, and well, to me it was just entertaining. The two sequels… not so much. I can barely stand 2 Fast 2 Furious and haven’t see too much of Tokyo Drift.

Yes, there will be a fourth installment of the franchise, though disappointingly not called something like “4 Fast 4 Furious.” Just simply, Fast and Furious. It’s slated for a June 5th, 2009 release, and boy, I am really excited. Don’t think that I am expecting an Oscar winning film. I am expecting it to be AWFUL. But that’s the main appeal of the movies. They are awful and very over the top! But perhaps as a saving grace, the original cast is reunited. Yes, Vin Diesel resurrects Dom Toretto and Paul Walker continues his role as Brian O’Conner. Don’t forget about Michelle Rodriguez as Letty and Jordana Brewster as Mia… they’re back too! And as always from ANY Vin Diesel flick, you can expect tons of explosions, shooting, shotguns, and of course, unrealistic driving and plot situations (I’m looking at you XXX). Anywho, here is the official trailer! It’s halfway decent!

logo

The heap Exclusive Update: Polito’s to Open in September

This one is for all you University of Notre Dame Alumni who are returning to the South Bend area this Fall for a football game, or for you heapsters. who are lucky enough to still be going there! I received a comment from Polito’s owners! They were kind enough to share the new pertinent information on the contacts as well as the new location for Polito’s! If you haven’t the clue of what I’m talking about or you can’t remember, refresh your memory here: Burned Pizza

Here’s the Info:

We will be re opening soon (target date of Sept 5th)!!! The new location is 401 North Hickory Rd South Bend, IN 46615. 574-243-5385. Same hours same great food! We should have a web site up and running in about 1 more week. At the new location we will have a 10% student discount with vaild student ID, as well as wi-fi availability and wine!

Thanks to our source who commented! We’ll post a link to the website when we get it!

logo

Dancing With the Stars Lineup: Season 7

dancing

We’ve always been HUGE fans of dancing shows here at the heap. It doesn’t matter if America is searching for the “best dance crew”, or if twenty or so different Americans “thought they could dance,” these shows always happen to make our extremely limited viewing schedule (I just don’t really watch anything outside of the occasional local sporting event! TV just doesn’t interest me these days). You can bet that alongside America’s Best Dance Crew and So You Think You Can Dance is another of my favorites, Dancing With the Stars! Much like ABDC and SYTYCD, you get to see what wonderful effects of dancing has in the lives of the participating celebrities. You see marvelous transformations and efforts. You see lives changed, and you get to see people dancing who you just may not have ever pictured. Bottom line? It’s a fantastic show, check it out later this Fall on ABC.

Since we are such an enthusiastic proponent of the show, it is our blogging duty to formally announce the 13 participants, and of course, a brief background and opinion about each contestant. We’ll go alphabetically… so that brings us tooooo,

Lance Bass

lance

One of the N’s of the legendary boy band N’Sync, Lance Bass was recruited by the boys to provide the lower octave vocals for their songs! Though he’s quite a decent looking dude (no man crush here!), he has recently come out of the closet. Sorry ladies. Perhaps it begs the question, will he be dancing with a male companion on the show? Just Kidding Lance. No libel here. I like Lance because soon after he came out, he made probably one of my favorite cameo appearances of all time in the closing scene of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Hilarious. Look for Lance to do well, I mean, he was able to pull off the choreography of “Bye Bye Bye” and those crazy concerts (yes, I’ve been to two, and I’m proud. they were pretty sweet), so I think he can handle a tango or two.

*Edit* Yeah, so all the “Bye Bye Bye” videos cannot be embedded… so just click on the link to see it!

N’SYNC’s Bye Bye Bye

Classic…

Relative Gay-ness: 7.0 /10
Relative Dancing Ability: 9.1 / 10

Toni Braxton

toni

I know everyone of you heapsters. has at one time or another sang along to “Unbreak My Heart” in the car or room at some point of your life. Maybe you just ran and hid as it came on at any neighborhood department store and your parents broke into a rousing duet that brought the entire store to tears. Either way, Toni Braxton is a music icon, as she has won several Grammy awards, and platinum records. She’s pretty good looking for a 40 year old too. Will she be able to translate her years of singing prowess into Hollywood dance floor success? If she gets to wear outfits like that one above, she’ll have my vote!

Relative Singing Ability: 7.8 / 10
Relative Hotness: 7.0 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 6.8 / 10

Brooke Burke

bb

She’s got the footwork because of her modeling career (Venus Swimwear and Fredrick’s of Hollywood… oh boy), she’s got the charisma because of her experience as the host of TV shows Wild On! and Rock Star, and she’s got the confidence because of her… we’ll lets just say because she likes to show herself off… in more ways than one. ANYWAY, the cute Connecticut native may not have the fan base of the more popular stars, but perhaps she just might be that sleeper pick who surprises us all.

Relative Hotness: 7.8 / 10

Relative Dancing Ability: 6.5 / 10

Rocco DiSpirito

rocco

Yes, he may look like he just robbed your local supermarket (while smiling), this Italian American is a phenom in the kitchen. Hailing from Queens, Rocco has invaded bookstores everywhere with his popular cookbooks. He’s made numerous appearances as a guest judge on cooking shows, and has won a plethora of awards. Is it possible that his superior use of his senses in cooking can somehow be applicable to body movement? All we can hope is that he inherited some of the fancy footwork of the soccer playing Italian blood.

Relative Cooking Ability: 8.6 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 6.5 / 10

Maurice Greene

mog

Maurice Greene used to hold the world record for the 100m, and has won numerous gold medals representing the US in the Olympics and World Championships. If you couldn’t tell from the picture, he’s pretty fast. We also won’t discuss in depth what else he’s packing, nicely displayed thanks to tight spandex (The heap. is impressed, Maurice). We’ll soon find out how applicable a sprinter’s speed and agility are to the competition. Something just tells me Greene can get down.

Relative Quickness and Agility: 9.4 / 10
Relative “Manhood”: 9.5 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 7.5 / 10

Kim Kardashian

KK

Are you ready to read yet? Believe me, I know the effects any pic of Kim Kardashian can have. While her show can be annoying at some point, she’s definitely gorgeous. She’s dated singers and athletes. Unfortunately she’s currently dating former USC standout and current New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush. Perhaps she pushes him around, though certainly not into the end zone (*end 2005 USC vs. ND angst*). Hopefully her social antics, as well as her experience on her reality show can somehow result in the emergence of dancing talent, mostly so I have someone to drool over.

Relative Hotness: 9.4 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 6.0 / 10

Cloris Leachman

cloris

You may not know her by name, especially if you are a younger reader, but you certainly will recognize that face! Yes, she is Gam Gam from “Beerfest” and the eccentric grandmother from “Spanglish.” She is the definition of silver screen veteran, acting since the 40’s. If you are interested in her filmography, check it out here: Cloris Leachman’s Film / TV work!. Did I mention that she is 82 years old? I would have never guessed from the movies I’ve seen her in! She has three more coming out later this year and next year! It will certainly be a trip to see how far that aged “infrastructure” of hers can take her in the competition! Good for you, Cloris!

Relative Oldness: 8.2 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 6.5 / 10

Cody Linley

cody

Gotta love the hair. This Texan is the youngest of the contestants, at only 18! He’s been featured on some Disney shows- That’s So Raven and my personal favorite, Hannah Montana. He is also starring in The Hardy Boys movie which comes out later this year. While his young age probably means that he may be lacking in experience, he has one emphatic strength: He was in two episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger. What does this mean? If you don’t vote for him, you may want to be looking out for Chuck Norris.

Relative Hair Factor: 8.2 / 10

Relative Dancing Ability: 7.0 / 10

Susan Lucci

susanlucci

Susan Lucci IS afternoon soap operas. The antagonistic star of the popular (and LONG running) soap opera All My Children, who has been an actress on the show since it started, will join Cloris Leachman as the two contestants eligible for social security (though Lucci clocks in at only 62). Hopefully her acting talents can materialize some dancing techniques!

Relative Oldness: 6.2 / 10
Relative Antagonist Factor: 9.3 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 7.1 / 10

Misty May-Treanor

misty

Two time defending Olympic gold medalist, Misty’s always been a natural at volleyball. But also, growing up, she did participate in dance! She’s also experienced indoors, as she was a standout volleyball player at Cal State Long Beach. the picture makes it more than evident that Misty can get down and dirty on the the sand volleyball courts, but can she bump, set, and spike on the dance floor? I say yes. She has some dancing experience, and she can definitely move. Might I add that she’s pretty nicely toned and uses more muscles around the waist than most people.

Relative Volleyball Ability: 9.8 / 10
Relative Dirtiness: 8.8 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 8.0 / 10

Ted McGinley

ted

Love and marriageeee, go together like a horse and a carriageee… hehe. Ted McGinley is probably best known for his role of Jefferson in the 90’s sitcom Married… With Children. He has appeared here and there in other shows and movies… but he’ll always be remembered as Jefferson. Kinda like Bob Saget and Danny Tanner. He can never escape that. Perhaps McGinley can see if Al has some dancing shoes that he can borrow.

Relative Dopey-ness: 8.3 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 7.3 / 10

Jeffrey Ross

jeff

He is the roastmaster. Ross is considered to be one of the last “insult comics” around. If you’ve ever seen the various “roasts” on Comedy Central, you’ll know what I mean. He’s made appearances on pretty much every late night tv show, and well, he’s decently funny. But I don’t think that roasting the judges may help. Unless its Bruno, because you can’t understand a damn thing he says anyway.

Relative Funniness: 7.0 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 5.0 / 10

Warren Sapp

sapp

The QBkilla is back, but he won’t be after opposing quarterbacks this time. Sapp fills the almost obligatory NFL player spot on the shop this time around, and boy, the heap. is excited. For years I cheered for Sapp when he came out of the tunnel at Raymond James Stadium, and every, single, time he sacked Brett Favre. I was sad to see him leave to the Oakland, though he was past his prime. Definitely a future hall of famer. Warren Sapp is a big man. He may be the biggest contestant the show has ever had. I’m curious to see what kind of costumes the designers of the show can come up for him. I mean, can you just picture him doing a passionate tango in creamsicle orange attire? Oh, and he has plenty of experience dancing. During warm-ups, on the side lines, and after sacks, I know Sapp will bring his A game to the contest. I hope he doesn’t tackle anyone.

Relative Cockiness: 9.5 / 10
Relative BAMF-ness: 9.2 / 10
Relative Dancing Ability: 8.1 / 10

That’s Warren Sapp doing his best imitation of Beyonce. I am definitely looking forward to this season! I’ll keep you posted on what goes on during the show!

logo