From The Desk Of… “Bad Day in the Forecast”

Have you ever waken up and just knew it was going to be a bad day? Well, that was me this morning. I’ve known this since last night. Only when my body couldn’t stay up anymore did it surrender itself to the coming day.

Then it became “Today.”

I guess the cause of my feelings is a crushing load of uncertainty and annoyance. I faced a mighty inquisition this morning from my boss regarding refill requests and what not. I took it as, “So… what exactly would you say you DO around here?” to which I wanted to reply, “I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS!” in true Office Space Fashion. I could only nod, answer the questions, and move on. But it irks me to no end that I would get singled out like that. I guess if you are reading this, the irony of this post would speak for itself… I should be working, but I had to let this out.

This all goes back to yesterday when our boss implimented “WAR” reports (Weekly Activity Report… how clever!). Our boss suggests that this is to better track olume and see where future staff could be hired to streamline the process. My coworker and I have a conspiracy theory that this is being done to monitor us, since we feel that we have been being spied on. So that in itself is a bit stressful. I feel I do a damn good job at what I do. I think I’m just overreacting. He’s a good guy. He just wants the business to work. Ugh.

The area of most uncertainty is in my “relationship”. I usually don’t write about these things because I don’t know who could read it, but I have to now. This is my forum for self reflection, identification and expression, and it would be wrong to hold thigs back. 

Writing heals me, and it makes me calm down and evaluate the situation. It sucks going to bed upset, and it sucks even more not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

Heh. I don’t even know what to say about it. There doesn’t seem to be any use in talking about things anyway. I don’t know what to say about anything. I guess it’s back to work then.

I just want to be at peace, and I want to be satisfied with how things are going, just in general, with life as a whole. I don’t know if drastic measures are needed at this time, but it wears a person down, and this is on both sides of the fence.

I want to feel in love again. I want to feel butterflies, I want to feel like I did at Notre Dame. I don’t want to be annoying anymore, just like I don’t want to be annoyed. Perhaps our differences are starting to surface, something we’ve never seen before, and we don’t like it. I don’t know. I want to feel how my sister feels now. I don’t want to worry about saying the wrong thing that apparently completely ruins conversations. I want to be appreciated for who I am. I don’t want to keep pushing away.

I’m tired of me. And it seems that she is too.

That time has come then. Just like she predicted it would.

 

smallheap.jpg image by jmooser

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